Many,
many years ago, I was kicking around different ideas for writing
projects.
Usually,
my process isn’t much of a process. Thoughts and possibilities
just float around in my head, at a variety of speeds and angles,
eventually smashing into something and making a connection that
motivates me into motion.
Really
isn’t all that amazing.
So,
a few decades ago, I was with my wife and some friends, and for
whatever reason history came up. Relationship type of stuff. Nothing
deep or dark or even too significant. No one had a moment where
an evil look was offered in response. No one in trouble. But…
You
know the song “Kodachrome” by Paul Simon? And the lines about
the girls from his past?
(Ok…
get ready… here comes a few thoughts crashing together…)
There
are times when I wonder what might happen if I tried to make a
book based on connecting with friends and girlfriends from the
past. Each person gets a chapter. Sort of a mini biography for
each individual. A bit about our relationship and assorted tidbits.
I’m
sure you understand that regardless of how long I spent pondering
this idea… or how many times I may have considered it… this is
a really incredibly very stupid idea.
Amazingly
though, I don’t think of it as stupid for many of the reasons
that, of course, it really is stupid.
Current
relationships with people you love and want in your life do not
always mingle that well with the skeletons in our historical closets.
That’s a big one. (And a given.)
People
also tend to have a protective personality that kicks in, meaning
we often believe we are the ones right in any given situation.
As the saying goes, the villain of a story never sees themself
as the villain. And in the end, such a revisiting of history could
reveal items we don’t want to see or hear or consider.
Many,
many years ago, I went to visit a friend at the college where
he was studying. To say he was a self-obsessed jerk that weekend
wouldn’t even begin to cover the level of jackass he put on display
during my time in the area. I don’t have any desire, thirty years
on, to find out what the hell he was thinking back then. We haven’t
truly been in touch since. It’s done. We’ve both moved on. Other
than mentioning it here as an example, I don’t need to reconnect
for some type of closure on a personal level.
But
it counts. And my guess is he would defend his actions at the
time, justify them in some way, even if just to shrug them off
as stupid youth. I don’t need to head back there, because I don’t
need to know the excuses. It would be a very stupid idea in my
mind to even approach it.
There
are plenty of other reasons why revisiting the people from the
past isn’t the brightest of actions to take. However, I always
tend to be a bit off in the way I view things. Looking for something
different. And that’s where my reasoning of stupidity from a slightly
off point of view takes hold, because…
Why?
Remember
I mentioned closure a moment ago? Ok, work with that idea and
just try to see what you can come up with by twisting it and reshaping
it. Why would you ever try to find the one, two or twelve girlfriends
you’ve had in your life—remember, all EX-girlfriends
now—and reconnect with them? Especially if happily in a different
relationship? What is the motivation? Why would you do that?
Most
of the answers you’ll arrive at… stupid. Very stupid.
But
a few of them might not be. A small few, to be sure. Yet if thought
out and properly inspired… that question of why has to be noticed
in the room.
The
reality however is that you don’t touch a stove when it may be
hot, so to speak. There are very, very few reasons that would
move along as a positive journey if you went up to your husband
or wife or boyfriend or girlfriend and started a conversation
with: “I’m thinking about trying to contact each and every person
I ever dated.”
And
my advice if you do want to try that conversation? Duck. Run.
There
are moments when I wonder about some of the twists and turns in
my life. I feel comfortable saying that occasionally you do as
well. For me, I find I’m happy with where I am overall. I like
to think I’ve been kind and treated people with respect. And the
jackasses out there? I like leaving them as jackasses.