Tracking and apps and how his wife knows


Friend of mine is convinced his wife is watching him.

I don’t just mean watching him. I mean, he’s convinced she’s stalking, apps on his phone, cameras hidden all over the house, watching him.

Here are a few of the stories he has shared that support his thoughts…

Very early one glorious Sunday morning, his wife was headed out to run some errands and she had plans to visit her parents for lunch. She was going to be gone all day. Home for dinner. Left him with a list of things she hoped he might get done.

He took a look at the list and found what many of us would consider the usual or expected items for a fall day: putting away deck furniture, cleaning gutters and so on. What he didn’t expect was how things would break his way. The gutters were already clean… the loose shutters only needed a single screw replaced… shed was basically empty so nothing needed to be removed or rearranged before parading in and out with the furniture to store… and crossed off the list quickly followed crossed off the list. What he expected to be an exhausting amount of using the ladder and lugging stuff around for eight to nine hours of work was wrapped up, even the equipment put away, in four.

With the wife out, and the list completed, he decided on a fantastic afternoon… head out to grab a take-out sandwich, then come home and watch a football game with no one else in the house. He even had enough time before kickoff to stop at the grocery store before the sandwich shop, then follow the game by making dinner for his wife and kids.

He had just pulled into the driveway from his stops when the phone rang… his wife… she was sending her father over with his lawn mower. It wouldn’t start, he needed it back right away because with rain in the forecast for Tuesday he needed to get some things done on Monday, and she was hoping he could drop everything to fix it. As he hung up, he grabbed the bags, opened the car door and glanced in the mirror. His father-in-law was pulling into the driveway. It took five hours to fix the lawn mower. Didn’t see a game, but he did split the sandwich while they worked on the mower.

Another time, he was out of the office for a work project. Things went smoothly, and he ended up being done around two in the afternoon with no reason to return to the office that day.

Phone rings. Wife. Asking if he could do something that involved being right around where he was. He was able to make the arrangements easily enough to handle the errand, but lost out on enjoying a work-free afternoon in the process.

Now I recognize that these two examples seem fairly basic. Nothing really amazing or out of the ordinary in them. But I have to agree with him, because things like this happen to him two or three times a week, without fail. It’s as if his wife knows exactly when he is grabbing a cup of coffee and a quick break at work… exactly where he is at all times, and calls with extra stops or requests within a mile or two of his location… heck, exactly when the commercial comes on during a game. It’s uncanny.

One time, I needed to fix something at my house. I could handle the work, but needed a helping hand with the items I had to purchase. The first stop for us didn’t have one particular item, and he was very picky about recommending a specific brand for it. So, we drove about twenty-five miles to another store. As we pulled into the parking lot at store number two, the phone rang. His wife was hoping he could head to a store to pick something up when he was done working with me.

Guess where the store was? Bonus points if you knew we were staring at its sign while he talked to her, because it was directly across the street.

He laughs about it. He’s won money from me, and other friends, betting on his cell phone going off. He created a slot machine jackpot ringtone, set it to his wife’s contact, and went five-for-five in bets with that ringtone before we just completely stopped wagering on it with him.

One time she was with my wife and I, and she called to tell him to meet us for dinner. She had been away from him for four hours, had no clue what he had been doing, and told him to change his shirt before heading out. I did ask… and he was wearing a torn t-shirt when she called.

If I could relay all of the stories, you would be convinced there are cameras in every room of their home, and likely the yard… a find-my-phone or such app installed on his cell… and more. You would believe.

The thing is, he doesn’t care.

She’s an amazing woman. And as hysterical as her abilities are, they honestly never really cross a line. They’re impressive. Still…

There are moments when I think he would really love an empty house, game on the TV, and a sandwich… along with some type of storm that disrupted carrier service so she couldn’t call.


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