It’s
the alarm clock.
Sure,
we’re going to go exploring a bit. And chances are good reality
might change the answer. But that’s no reason not to share my
theory right out of the gate.
It’s
the alarm clock that causes insomnia.
The
other day, Terry and I needed to wake up earlier than usual. So,
we set an alarm on our bedside clocks. And then, we barely slept.
The
night included that wonderful game we all know and love: Staring
at the ceiling, turning to the clock, turning back to the ceiling
while saying “Ok, if I just get to sleep right now, I can still
get six hours of sleep.”… repeat, “Ok, if I just get to sleep
right now, I can still get four hours of sleep.”… repeat, “Ok,
if I just get to sleep right now, I can still get three-and-a-half
hours of sleep.”
While
driving out the next morning and talking about how neither of
us really slept well, something struck me. Virtually any time
I set an alarm I find I’m so concerned about missing the reason
for setting it that I can’t sleep.
One
of the first things I drifted into when I considered the idea
was anticipation and nerves. Setting the alarm for the first day
at a new job? Well, duh, of course you are going to have trouble
sleeping the night before. Same ideas for important appointments
or other reasons you might need to be certain you don’t oversleep.
But
then I decided that the “…I can still get…” concept is a nice
corollary, and the other things that can add to being unable to
sleep tend to lack specific action. For example, mind chatter.
My
wife often refers to her battles with mind chatter. (I tend to
think of it more as a collection of monkeys playing bongos and
bagpipes as images of dolphins elegantly surfacing and soaring
across a canvas of fireworks play against a background of my eyelids,
but I suppose mind chatter works.) While you may have a slightly
different phrasing in mind, the idea is quite sound. All of those
thoughts and ideas that keep pounding away in your head? The suddenly
recalled items you forgot to add to your shopping list or the
dinner you forgot to take out of the freezer… the to-do items
you to-didn’t because you ran out of daylight and still need to
address… someone you need to call… a hold mail request you need
to apply… and you see the idea. It’s all that stuff that you’re
either bothered by or so afraid you’ll forgot that you can’t settle
in for the night and fall asleep.
There
are times when I’ll drift off while sitting in a chair in the
living room. Lose maybe five minutes of a show. Ready to go to
bed and end the day. Once under the covers though, with pillows
adjusted and eyes closed… release the monkeys and fire up the
bagpipes.
There
are things that keep us all awake. Caffeine too late. Life issues.
I’m not ignoring those. (Nor am I saying people don’t truly suffer
from insomnia. Humor piece folks. Go easy. Some people do truly
have insomnia and associated sleep disorders.)
I’m
just trying to find the trigger in my life. I have nights with
mind chatter like everyone else. But an identifiable flick of
the switch that prevents sleep? It’s that damn alarm clock.
About
an hour before the alarm was set to go off, I was awake. Staring
at the clock. Debating whether or not to just get it over with
and start the day, because it was only an hour and I was never
going to fall back asleep. The next thing I can recall involved
being woken from the best run of sleep from the night as the alarm
went off.
I’ll
never get that last dream back.
Stupid
alarm clock.