There
is a tremendous difference between showing a person what’s right
and convincing a person they’re wrong.
I’m
going to break here for a moment. A pause, if you will. And you
get to decide how long that pause will last.
This
is the foundation of the essay ahead, and I need you to work a
bit on wrapping your head around the concept.
Ready?
Ok…
one more time…
There
is a tremendous difference between showing a person what’s right
and convincing a person they’re wrong.
And
here’s the pause. Take your time. Read it again if you’d like.
With
that in place, let’s take a walk together…
~ ~
~ ~ ~
There
are certain things a person needs in order to survive. Food. Water.
And you know the drill. It moves on into things like shelter.
Depending on who is designing the list we might start off on one
tangent to consider air right up there with food and water. Another
tangent brings us to sleep, rest and health. And yet another tangent
can move into emotional areas such as companionship and support.
For
our essay, we just need to consider the overall existence of survival
needs. I know they exist. I get the basics. You know they exist.
You get the basics.
The
nuances of personality are funny things. In the same way we might
consider needs for surviving, each of us has certain characteristics,
motivations, interests, and any other categories you might care
to apply. Some of us are extroverts, some introverts. Some of
us are morning people, some are most definitely not. And those
ideas of survival needs combine with personality to bring us to
a lovely scenario.
Personal
survival. Not necessarily the needs necessary to keep you alive.
Instead, all of the swirling ingredients that create what we might
call a sense of value. And it is there that we find our problems
with right and wrong developing.
In
many situations, given the ability to make decisions, I am going
to act in a manner that I believe to be right. You’ll do the same.
Here’s the funny result though… occasionally two people are going
to believe two different things. Sometimes there are two ways
to accomplish the same result. Often however, in order for one
side to be right the other side must be wrong.
That
sense of self-importance can create a bit of pugnacity for many.
A sense of being attacked, generating a response when challenged
on decisions. We might sum it up this way: I must be right, therefor
you must be wrong, and I’m not going to listen when you come at
me telling me I’m wrong.
Bring
in a certain mix of personalities, push the pugnacity triggers
far enough, and it happens. Ego jumps in, and the push for self-defense
is ignited. Convincing a person they’re wrong can get very messy,
very quickly.
When
you try to convince a person they’re wrong, it’s a losing battle.
It’s emotional and egotistical and an attack on their self-worth.
They don’t want to learn. They want to survive. It leads us to
a place where we aren’t looking for solutions, we aren’t following
through to the deeper levels of important discussions, and we
aren’t recognizing the essential ideas involved. It’s “I’m right,
you’re wrong, I don’t even know what we’re talking about” acts
of defiance.
When
we do things on our own and our choices are wrong, we learn. Experience
assists and we develop. Or, when with others, if another person
values your opinions but can demonstrate why something is correct
without playing the blame game, it can work out nicely. But when
pushed to that painted into a corner stage of lashing out, it
becomes a point of pride to defend our choices instead of improving
our knowledge.
See
the difference now?
As
we begin to come together again after this unreal year of separation
and isolation, we’re going to need to understand and respect each
other. We need to appreciate and find value in contributions and
thoughts.
Whether
any of us are right or wrong, we need to understand that right
and wrong are not obvious to everyone, regardless of how obvious
the realities may seem. In order to move forward, grow and survive,
we need to do so with a recognition of how important all of us
are to to whole.
We
all want to survive. We all have needs. The way we’ll move forward
with the most success is in showing each other the right way of
doing things.