Was
out shopping the other day. As it happened, I needed some coffee.
I’m
not a heavy drinker of coffee. My first actions of any day do
not involve the need of a cup being made before the ability to
create a cohesive thought can happen. A mug of coffee to start
the day is not required for the day to start. We need to be clear,
I am not addicted to coffee.
But
I do drink it, and we were almost out at the house, and there
I was considering whether to buy just plain coffee or pick up
a flavored option or two.
So,
here I am, and I ask: What’s the deal with blueberry coffee?
Before
you try to answer, let me slide this into place. I swear I saw
a box offering toasted marshmallow mocha coffee.
Toasted
marshmallow mocha coffee.
Before
defending blueberry coffee on its own, can you defend that one
as well? Go ahead. Group them together. There’s more. We might
be able to excuse mudslide or chocolate glazed donut, but:
Wild mountain blueberry
Bananas foster flambe
Macadamia
cookie
Raspberry chocolate truffle
Toasted marshmallow mocha
I
can hear the thoughts running through your head. I can. Someone
wants to tell me that bananas foster flambe coffee changed their
life. But eggnog coffee?
I’ve
pointed toward Oreos delivering outrageous options before. I’ve
watched the twisted efforts with seasoning potato chips. There
are some experiments that work. There are many that not only don’t,
they make no sense. But hey, if you want to be the seventeen-thousandth
person to add something to a hazelnut base, go for it. And yet…
That
right there says blueberry vanilla. It may even be kind of good.
But it’s coffee. Not granola. Not yogurt. Not cereal. Not muffins
and not cookies. It’s coffee. And I’m just a bit dazed right now.
(But that might be the other label I saw that I think said toasted
graham.)
Years
ago, a great cup of coffee was the delicious side note to a perfect
moment. A cranberry orange nut muffin for breakfast, with a cup
of coffee. A tiramisu for dessert, with a cup of coffee.
Not
today. Apparently today there is no muffin, just a cranberry orange
nut coffee pod. (And for anyone out there looking to steal that
idea, I’m looking to trademark it right now, so do your homework
and just e-mail me about licensing possibilities. Thank you.)
There
are times when I wonder about the people making the products we
use and the food we eat. I wonder because every so often, I see
something that has me considering if someone should have stopped
them. And then I remember that all it takes is a really small
niche group to make a product a success, and I have to accept
that toasted bananas graham raspberry truffle will find someone
to make the purchase.
There
are people that love black licorice and fennel. Some things you
just can’t explain.