I
work in a place that has an employee cafeteria. Since saying the
food is fantastic would be a lie… and saying the food is horrible
might get me fired… saying it’s probably very similar to other
employee cafeterias across the country works for now.
The
cafeteria runs around the clock and every so often that means
there is bacon left over from breakfast available for lunch. Perhaps
this should be read as an extra comment about the truth in the
first paragraph of this essay… perhaps not… but it’s safe to say
people get very excited about the possibilities of bacon when
it comes to cheeseburgers and sandwiches. Bacon? Exciting? Yes.
And
now, after years of second-class, not quite good for you, it’s
cheating when you have it… this special diet thing came along,
and bacon… formerly the poster-child of must avoid foods… became
the right thing to do.
Huh?
Is
it me?
Please
don’t tell me this diet, along with countless other diets and
concepts, has been around for years. In some ways, I know. In
more ways, I don’t care. All it does is add more and more evidence
to my argument that everything is bad for you, and if it isn’t
now, then it will be within ten years.
When
I was younger we had the four food groups. Unbelievably, I’m showing
my age by admitting that. It was easy… dairy, fruits and vegetables,
meats, and grains. In the roughly twenty-plus-years since elementary
school and junior high school, three of those four groups have
been quite vocally declared bad for me.
Cheese
and whole milk were the true first casualties in the four-food-group-reorganization
as I recall. I will only go down to 2% before I start kicking
and screaming. I firmly believe that skim and 1% tastes and looks
like poorly filtered water. And cheese was… well… I’ve been told,
the equivalent of bacon as far as my arteries were concerned.
Roughly
around the same time, but gaining steam after the drive to avoid
whole milk, I remember that the cholesterol thing kicked up, and
no red meat or vegetarian diets moved in from there.
Two
of the basic four.
Wiped
away.
And
it didn’t really bother me until I saw a short article on the
latest battleground item.
Today,
the attack has focused in on pizza.
Over
the past several years it’s all about the carbs. And with that
batch of advice, breads and rolls and all sorts of good stuff
was wiped away. Remember when eating white bread was the bad thing,
but wheat breads and rye breads and ones that didn’t use bleached
flour were still good for you? When I was in college, a friend
of mine and I would drive into the middle of the city to an Italian
bakery to get bread literally as it was pulled out of a brick
oven. There’s a tear in my eye thinking of it.
Does
any smell fill a kitchen with love and atmosphere like fresh bread?
No.
Instead,
the other day I was reading that in this whole wave of menu-changing
that restaurants and grocery stores are going through, the search
for a low-carb pizza was on.
I
swear it couldn’t have even been twenty-five years ago that I
was sitting in a classroom at my school while the teacher spoke
about how pizza could be one of the healthiest foods around… dairy
in the cheese, vegetables in the sauce and maybe the toppings
as well, and then meat in the toppings too, and grain in the crust.
Nutrition! All four food groups! Pizza rules!
But
now, two decades removed from that classroom, only the vegetables
remain. All the rest has been declared bad for me. Pizza rules
indeed…
Even
if I have my information wrong about some of the details above,
there isn’t anyone out there that can convince me I’m not close
to the truth. Heck, I made fun of my wife this past year… a devoted
water-drinker… because of a study released that showed drinking
water was bad for you. That really was the result of
the study… although the actual deeper reading was that drinking
too much water was bad for you. So I stand by my claims
about milk and meat and bread above… I may have a few of the elements
wrong, but the heart of my statements is right on the mark. And
in general, most of you should be nodding and not disagreeing
about minute details.
Warm
bread? Delicious.
Pizza?
Good.
I
suppose since they moved the groups around many, many years ago,
the main difficulty is that I’ve lost track of what the standard
is now. I seem to recall colors being involved at one point, and
maybe some sort of food pyramid. Wasn’t there a time when the
four groups became six? And some commercials talk about drinking
your servings of fruit. I don’t know. It all went out the window
with drinking wine… and no not wine… but purple grape juice. I
give up.
About
a month or two ago, there was a report about pressure treated
wood. Wasn’t it wonderful that your deck, your picnic table, your
shed or your playground was built out of this beautiful material
that fought against the elements? Sure it was. At least… it was
until these recent reports that the chemicals used in pressure
treating the wood cause cancer, and now you and your children
shouldn’t eat on your deck, on your picnic table, in your shed
or at your playground. And by the way, they are going to stop
selling the stuff.
Person
I know is a diet fanatic. Doesn’t want tempting food anywhere
nearby… too risky. Candy bars for the kids’ schools? Get them
out. Someone stopped for donuts and brought in a dozen to share?
Thoughtless, compassionless, heartless, vindictive and cruel.
Home baked bread? Done on purpose as torture. I have had several
friends that have dealt with personal demons and eating disorders.
This individual is well beyond healthy living. It’s reached the
level of being obsessive and unhealthy.
The
simple advice was always the best… repeat after me… eat right
and exercise. You know the basics… smaller portions, avoid fried
foods, get out and walk. Common sense, practical sense, and good
advice.
And
to that end, whether it works for some… and I congratulate you
if it does work for you… I’m going to stay away from the bacon.
I’m going to get out for a walk more often. I’m going to be sensible
about my snacks and sweets.
But
I’m not going to eat only grapefruits. I’m not going to tell people
what they should or shouldn’t do, or how inconsiderate they are
when they do it in front of me. And, I’ll just keep waiting for
the day… and mind you this day is coming… when Oreos and cold,
cold, whole milk are declared the healthiest foods around. I figure
I have about five or six years to go.