Hospice.
Just
saying it makes me shiver.
And
it’s not a reaction to hospice care. I want to make it clear that
my understandings of and experiences with hospice care are amazing.
The work performed is incredible, the services delivered amazing,
and the overall efforts of hospice mix descriptions like angelic,
selfless, and extraordinary.
(And
I would encourage you to consider the Hospice Foundation of America
for your charitable thoughts.)
The
shiver comes from someplace much different.
If
I tell you that someone is facing a life-threatening medical condition,
it can be quite a shock. If I tell you that hospice care has been
brought in, it pulls the floor out from underneath you and drains
emotions. The initial impact difference is helpless, hopeless,
and chilling.
Shivers.
The
simple reality is, we have no clue how long anyone will be a part
of our lives. Even someone that is in the best of health and doing
well can be involved in a tragic and unpredictable accident.
The
impulse for this essay happens to be someone that Terry and I
consider a friend, though we’ve only known her for a handful of
years. She has been amazing for both of us, personally and professionally,
over and over (and over) again. Any time we’ve had a question,
or simply needed a pat on the back and a positive word, she’s
been there for us. The type of person that makes your world… makes
THE world… a better place.
Hospice.
I
mentioned hospice to start this. A common friend of ours and this
wonderful lady told us yesterday.
I
did not come here to talk to you about hospice, or to spin a sad
tale. Instead, I want to share two truths of life.
First
– When someone is ill, they don’t want to talk about the illness
unless they have to. People respond differently, for example between
wanting visitors and not. But they will all tell you about that
sad face silence, when someone enters a room and has nothing to
say but the look gives everything away. People that are going
to be depressed and sad and emotionally draining are not the people
they want to speak with. Funny memories… conversations about friends
and families and events of the day… support and good wishes and
positive interactions… yes. They don’t want depressing. They want
to forget what’s happening, even if only for a moment.
Second
– Regrets linger with you. And time does not care about whether
or not your actions (and inactions) create regrets.
Appreciate
your life. And appreciate those that bring something special to
it. I hope you can appreciate your health, and the health and
happiness of those you love. But more importantly, do not be afraid
to let anyone that is special know what they’re bringing to your
life. Because it may be there for a wonderful and long time, but
it can also be very special and brief.
Be
kind. Say thank you. And, when it’s called for, never be afraid
of a hug.