Here’s how we play

 

So, you’re watching a game show on TV. As they start the show, they take a moment to say they’re going to explain how to play the game. And the reality is, they never do.

Oh sure, they tell you the basic rules. First person goes and spins the wheel, then the second person goes and answers a question. In the end, the first three contestants will be narrowed down based on who can hop the longest after riding a tricycle in a circle. Simple.

Terry and I have been watching a new show lately, and the two of us play our own game at the start of each episode. We call it spotting the idiot.

The idea for us is that the game is fairly straightforward. So how are these players so incredibly dumb? It’s like they want to hand the game over to their opponents. It’s like they don’t know the rules.

And you know what? Maybe they don’t.

Experience is a great teacher.

Did you ever have the follow the instructions trick test in school? Teacher passes out paper. Begins by saying that we should listen to everything said, each and every question, before doing anything else. Then, the questions begin. Number one… number two… number whatever… questions end. Final instruction is to leave the paper blank. And, of course, a huge chunk of the class moans, having been writing answers for the questions on the sheet of paper while being asked them, completely ignoring the very first instruction.

Episode of Mom. Bonnie is showing her grandson how to play blackjack. The poor child is getting destroyed in the game, losing hand after hand. His father arrives, gets invited to sit in for a bit, and he elects to stand on one hand. Grandson looks toward Bonnie, stunned by the information that hadn’t been shared where in the game he didn’t need to keep taking hits without end.

You may know the rules, but really, you may not have any clue about the actual rules.

I suppose in many ways we’re not really debating the rules though. What we’re actually discussing is a combination of rules, game play, strategy and so on. Knowing the rules is one thing. Knowing how to apply the rules can be completely different. And that would be a fair observation to consider. Except…

If you don’t know that when at an intersection with a stoplight that green means go, then the conversation really doesn’t need to progress into how to react to a yellow light.

Years ago, I began taking guitar lessons. One of the first sessions discussed the parts of the guitar, and then we moved along into some basic chords. At the top of the neck of a guitar is a piece called a nut. It is designed to anchor the strings in place, offering support and a bit of guidance as they move from the fret and fingerboard area to the headstock and ultimately the tuning pegs. Naturally, as a joke while practicing on my own one day, I tried strumming the strings above the nut, which resulted in an awkwardly pitched nonsense noise.

Later, I happened to be at a performance where one of the best guitar players in the world was on stage. In the middle of a song, he began playing the strings above the nut. Sounded much better when he did it. But then again, he was also far more experienced in the rules he was breaking with the attempt.

When the kids and I played video games with each other, I quickly learned that I needed to jump in as soon as possible following the game arriving in the house. If I wasn’t holding a controller while the package was being unwrapped, set to be one of the first in our home to play it, I wasn’t going to have a chance of making anything with players pitted against each other competitive.

When it comes to anything, the reality is we need to approach it like a game. We need to understand that even with natural instincts, there is more to anything than the basics. (So to speak.)

My parents like to call me with questions about things. Cell phones. Computers. You get the idea. Apparently, because I’m younger, I’m automatically supposed to know exactly how these magical apparatuses work and why my parents are having problems. Well…

Last night my printer stopped working. Again. Only solution I’ve found over multiple times it needed to be addressed involves uninstalling, reinstalling, checking to see if it works, repeat until it does. Basically, the infinite loop of home repair. Only difference between my father’s printer problems and mine over the years has been that I just keep uninstalling and reinstalling until the damn thing works again. He calls me.

I suppose in general terms the approach is fair enough. When in doubt, ask someone that knows. They think I know. They ask. In fact, yup, that’s fair. Probably says more about me that I essentially just keep pounding my head against the desk until it stops hurting. But the reality can be a bit harsher, or at least less forgiving.

Which leads me back to these idiots on my TV.

It’s one thing not to know why your printer isn’t working. When the host tells you that points are awarded per letter in the solution, and you keep selecting the four-letter words instead of the eight and nine-letter words, and your opponents get to sweep the higher valued words, you don’t get to be surprised when you’re headed home. Of course, it appears the host never told them to pick the longer words. That was something they should just have known.