The
following essay was produced as part of my 2013 effort for the
November National Novel Writing Month effort. As such, please
understand that while I did give it a quick review, it has not
gone through the same proofreading and editing I normally try
to give all of the material posted on this site.
I
always make some mistakes. There are errors to be found throughout
this web site, and many exist despite dozens of attempts to correct
problems. That said, ask that you approach this material in the
spirit intended – a basic thought, slightly worked out and very
informally researched, delivered in the hopes of writing more
than 50,000 words by the end of November.
Thank
you.
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I
know you’ve all seen the incredible shrinking package in the grocery
store. Things are no longer a gallon or a quart in the ice cream
section.
And
chances are good that even your nearby neighborhood markets and
stores have raised prices slightly… or adjust product sizes accordingly.
In
fact… while this
story is a few months old, the concept works
perfectly for where we are headed.
I
don’t completely agree with Jill Cataldo’s statement that: “You
should be able to get 24 cupcakes out of cake mix.” However… I’m
not sure that’s the literal thing she meant. I mean…
Sure…
Jill
may very well make her cupcakes, and every time ends up with two
dozen. And the idea that she has created a filler, or supplement,
to get her twenty-four cupcakes back doesn’t support my claim
that she didn’t literally mean a box of cake mix should give you
exactly so many cupcakes. Instead…
If
you read the column further, you saw how things have been a bit
dishonest in the world of food products.
Packaging
adjusted to hide shirking mounts of product. (Note the example
of peanut butter.)
Adjusting
recipes. (Really? Replacing cream with air?)
And,
the most wonderful concept of all -- package less product and
reduce the size of the container, and then… no… body… move… don’t…
even… breath… and maybe the shopper won’t notice.
And
when we do notice… the shell game is on. Everything is in a constant
state of new and improved. So these changes and adjustments and,
frankly, ways of misdirecting or confusing the consumer, end up
being turned around into a (my words) “it’s not us, it’s you”
accusation. And honestly, when you step out of the environment
and view it, it’s like watching Martin Short bring Nathan Thurm
to life.
(This
link will bring you to a transcript for one
of the all-time great Saturday Night Live appearances
of Thurm.)
As
many of you know, the return of Twinkies… of Hostess… is being
branded as one of the greatest in history. And, as part of that,
the Drake’s Coffee Cakes are back now as well. The other day…
a box showed up in our house. And inside were the coffee cakes.
Honestly…
I couldn’t tell you if they are smaller now than they were before
Hostess took its break from production. Things were shrinking
on store shelves months and years ago. What I can tell you is
that after opening the box, I sighed with the realization that
they were smaller.
Let’s
for a moment consider Twinkies.
Twinkie
the Kid, and the cream-filled golden cakes of my youth were a
treat. But somewhere along the line, things changed.
I
have no clue where.
I
was never a huge Twinkie fan. I really liked them. I enjoyed them
as a treat now and again. But I didn’t see them while out shopping
and suddenly collapse and give in to a craving of unspeakable
strength. They were kind of just there. And that led to an interesting
cycle of events over the past ten to fifteen years.
If
I had to give it a date, I’d say we are now around 1996 or 1997.
Tigg and I were heading toward our marriage, and we’d be out shopping
for our house. In addition to the normal purchase for breakfasts,
lunches and dinners, a few snack items would make their way into
the cart. And… one day… Terry spotted Twinkies on sale, explained
that she liked them, and a box was purchased.
And
it wasn’t the same.
Funny
thing though… according to any record you can imagine trying to
check out… nothing had been changed. According to the Hostess-loving-world,
these Twinkies were made the same way as the ones I enjoyed decades
before. (And some will claim they could have even been the same
ones I enjoyed decades earlier… though that is a myth for a different
time.)
I
don’t really know how to explain it. The cake didn’t seem as fresh.
The cream filling didn’t seem as creamy. It was almost as if you
showed a picture of a Twinkie to someone that had never eaten
one… explained yellow cake and vanilla cream filling… and off
they went to make some. Yeah, it looked the same. But the taste
was off.
As
you get older (I won’t say as you grow up), tastes do change.
Things are never quite the same. Maybe it’s the manufacturer changing
things… maybe it’s your preferences in determining likes and dislikes…
and maybe it’s simply time just playing tricks on you. The thing
is… you could claim that the only major change over the years
was whether or not they included a banana-cream filling… these
Twinkies didn’t shake the world for me, and if I was going to
cheat with a snack, there were better places to find those empty
calories.
Once
every two or three years though… the details of the “it’s not
the same experience” would fade… and Tigg and I would be there
in the store… and Twinkies would be prominently displayed for
one reason or another… and again we’d try them.
And
again… not the same.
So
when it was announced that Hostess was going out of business,
I was not one of those carrying signs, rushing to stores to get
some boxes from what could have been the final delivery ever,
and looking for ways to vent my disappointment through social
media.
Honestly?
I didn’t care.
It
was a story though… so perhaps a link or two in a passing entry
on the daily journal of In My Backpack. But it wasn’t
anything I would be writing letters to try and change.
Now…
why the Twinkies story?
Two
reasons.
First,
when they came back to the stores, Tigg and I did buy some and
try them. And you know what… they tasted better. Something was
absolutely different, despite all denials and claims of production.
Second,
the rumors began swirling that they were smaller. And, for the
most part, media sources found information showing that Hostess
had actually reduced portion sizes before they went out of business
in 2012. And that meant that the new methods of baking… supposedly
relaying on the “final batch produced before going out of business”
recipes and directions… were delivering the same product as before.
So to speak.
Which
brings us back to the coffee cakes and Drake’s.
See…
chances are the portion size was reduced years ago and it isn’t
something brand new or aligned with the comeback.
Fine.
Down
the road several miles from my house is a tremendous bakery. Love
the place. Incredibly inexpensive and the quality is just beyond
outstanding. Recently we began noticing that a few of the items
are a bit smaller in serving sizes. The brownies are cut just
a wee bit smaller… the donuts seem just a tad smaller… and they
actually went up a dime or so per item in cost.
We
don’t care.
Compared
to other bakeries we’ve been to in Rhode Island, Connecticut and
Massachusetts (and honestly, anywhere), this one makes significantly
more delicious pastries and the cost is usually ridiculously below
what is collected elsewhere. You want them to succeed and stay
in business, and also realize that your wallet would be far lighter
(and your tastes not even remotely as satisfied) at any other
place.
I
suppose you could say… supply and demand.
Go
back to that first article I linked to in outlining the overall
issue here. They discuss packaging of peanut butter. And the reality
is… smaller containers or no, we as consumers make our choices.
And the products we stand behind, with collective purchases, stay
in business. It’s no different than the vast majority of television
decisions -- you can love a show and consider it the greatest
thing ever, if it doesn’t have some sort of ratings or numbers
to back it up beyond you and you alone watching it the show isn’t
staying on the air.
Do
consumers want Drake’s Coffee Cakes? Do they care about the size
of a Twinkie?
They’re
not fooling us, though in many deceptive ways I think they want
to. And yet, it may not matter whether they do or not. We’ll vote
with our purchases. And in that regard, fool me once… fool me
twice… fool me any number of times… many products may disappear
with the changes, and many will remain.