This
is a tough essay to write, because it may wander down some roads
that I don’t usually navigate on my journeys.
I
have views on some subjects that are quite personal to me. That
doesn’t mean they are undeveloped or in some way something I don’t
feel strongly about. It just means that I respect your privacy,
you respect mine, and for the most part we don’t need to be sneaking
up on fences to look in each other’s yards.
I
also have opinions about things that matter to me, matter significantly
to me, but I recognize that I don’t have the experience or opportunities
to back them up. (And let’s explore this one for a moment…)
I
was born and raised in Rhode Island. Methodist was the religion
of our household. I can imagine what it might have been like to
grow up in Arizona… Kansas… Alaska… and I might even come pretty
darn close. There are shared experiences. We can apply the same
idea to being raised Catholic, Jewish, or as a follower of several
other religions (or none at all). But the truth is, I do not have
the real-life background to tell you what it’s like to be a Jewish
girl that was raised in Oregon.
Now
take that last paragraph and extend, adjust, and reform in any
of countless possibilities. Toward that end, I might have my thoughts,
and they could be close to accurate, but it’s not necessarily
a story for me to tell.
Yet
another different idea is how I hope to connect with my writing.
I have some tremendous memories of reading the first books released
by Robert Fulghum, learning my grandmother enjoyed his work as
well, and the two of us catching up when I was home on break from
college or at other times. We’d head out to lunch and talk about
his latest effort. As a result of this, I often wonder if anyone
that reads my work ends up sharing it with other family members
or across generational gaps. It would be nice someday to fins
out there has been such a connection.
If
you see some things beginning to take shape and come into focus
by this point, then you may understand this thought as almost
a final clarifier: I’m not looking to cause controversy because
my writing simply doesn’t often head toward controversial subjects.
Crazy
thing though. I actually find myself, perhaps even on a daily
basis as time moves along, a bit more emotional and concerned
about the events taking place around me. It’s quite obviously
not that I stopped caring. Instead, with my writing observations
understood and outlined, I think two pretty interesting things
have come together to assist me in being a bit quieter as a person
as well.
First
up, it’s none of my business, and it’s also none of yours. To
exemplify, let’s talk peanut butter.
I
like Skippy. Been using Skippy since I was a kid. Look for Skippy
when I’m in the store. It’s my first option, go to, I prefer it
peanut butter.
And
you don’t care.
I’m
not paid by Skippy to promote their product. (Unless they hear
about this and want to call. I am definitely willing to consider
Skippy as a professional opportunity. It is awesome and I plan
to be a lifelong fan.) As long as I can find Skippy when I need
some, it really doesn’t matter to me on any level or in any way
what type of peanut butter you buy (if you even do buy peanut
butter).
You
don’t care what kind of peanut butter I use. I don’t care what
kind of peanut butter you use. I think we can place the Skippy
on the shelf. With few and far between possible exceptions, Skippy
doesn’t need to take over any of our future conversations.
And
second, I’ve got better things to do. (Yes, this most certainly
is an example of breaking out the claim that I’m too old for this
crap.)
The
ideas I’m looking to express are most certainly not ones of inactivity.
I definitely will be proactive with my actions and my voice when
called upon. I do believe there are moments when I can make a
difference. And I am firmly convinced that we need to treat each
other responsibly, promote equality and opportunity for all, and
be accountable for our actions.
But
as a first step with the most simple and basic of understandings…
if you respect me, I’m going to respect you. Until it actually
matters, I’m not going to bother you with my favorite brand of
peanut butter. You know, in this case metaphorically speaking.
A
few years ago, I explained to some friends that I recognize I
approach things from a naïve perspective. I noted, however,
that such a start should never be confused with a naïve mind
or understanding of the world. Instead, I found time and again
that if I gave people the benefit of the doubt at first, or tried
to approach things with the most forgiving of assumptions, and
still the whistles and alarms in my head were sounding off, then
we were talking about things well beyond any reasonable doubt.
Yes,
simplified explanation. But if I’m trying to give you room to
move and be stupid, and you still tick me off, there’s a problem.
If
it’s not my place to speak, don’t be surprised that I don’t. But
also, don’t mistake that for thinking that I’m not listening and
trying to learn.
If
it’s not my place to act, don’t be surprised that I don’t. But
also, don’t mistake that for thinking that I’m not being proactive
in some ways and doing something.
If
it’s not my place to confront you, don’t be surprised that I don’t.
But also, don’t mistake that for thinking that I agree with what
you’re doing or will guide my actions to fit your beliefs.
I
still care.