So,
I’m standing at the counter in the optometrist’s office. Wife
wears contacts, had been given a new style to try, and now was
the time to order a few. I had no clue what I was doing.
In
my defense, I don’t wear contacts. Never have. Don’t think I ever
will. While that may change somewhere down the line, with a day
arriving that finds me willing to switch from frames to contacts,
the more specific and relevant point remains… I do not know much
about contact lenses.
Not
that I was being charged with all that much. The office had all
the information about what needed to be ordered. Style. Prescription.
I was basically a provider of insurance coverage information and
a credit card.
Simple
enough.
But
it also means I had zero idea how many boxes to order.
Took
me a bit, but I figured out the rewetting drops situation. Also
know preferences for some other items. But when it comes to things
like how long she wears a pair, the reality is my information
is a bit lacking.
I
get asked about marriage every so often. Decades ago, it was friends
inquiring right around the time we got married as they approached
their wedding. Other times, it was an offshoot around something
intended to be fun, like wondering how we met. And these days,
when it happens it’s usually in response to how long we’ve been
married. Perspective changes, even if the theme doesn’t.
But
the contact lenses thing connected with me in ways about relationships
and knowing your partner. (And then social media drove the thought
home.)
Happened
to be on a site the other day. Someone I follow posted about how
she appreciates a person that can bring home all the items on
her shopping list. My response was a joke about being able to
bring home the right items that weren’t on the shopping list.
That’s the combination that rattled around… meeting expectations
and then exceeding them… as my wife pointed out later that I had
ordered her far too many lenses.
You
can’t win them all.
But
as I considered the idea, I realized that maybe you can win. At
least in the sense of not losing. My wife got her lenses. This
wasn’t a case of being sent out to pick up dinner, deciding to
check juice and bread off the shopping list while out, making
an extra stop and then coming home with nothing but a bag of ant
traps. Next time I would know not to order as many boxes of lenses
(or at least ask for a specific range to order).
And
therein we find it… the marriage advice.
Lots
of couples joke about dirty socks on the floor, driving skills,
and the ability to estimate how long any activity will take. Can
be funny stuff. Can be worthy of observations and consideration.
But if you want true advice about what it means for a couple to
be happy, look for the thoughts coming from couples that try to
improve next time.
In
the end, it’s not whether you brought home regular or Double Stuf
Oreos. It’s about what you brought home the next time you bought
Oreos after getting it wrong.
(Now,
did you here the joke about the wedding rings?)